Awkward Holiday Conversations

“Pass the sweet potatoes, dear. Speaking of, is there a special man in your life?”

As irrelevant as my love life is to tasty Christmas side dishes, these conversations are unfortunately unavoidable for a college student with a prying family during the holiday season.

When leaves on the trees start to turn brown, curiosity begins to stir in the minds of extended family members, and the need to bring a significant other to Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner grows more urgent.

Everyone has experienced that awkward family dinner, where there is more tension in the air than yummy scents from the steaming piles of food on the table.

While grandma slices the turkey, one might feel the urge to fabricate a precautionary and fictitious story of an imagined engagement, straight A’s and plenty of savings in the bank. All of this is absolutely false but seemingly necessary when a barrage of personal questions follows the green bean casserole.

“So who is the lucky guy?” usually comes with the first course of supper. To answer this one, a prepared script comes in handy because making a name up on the spot might be hazardous. “Fill Glass” can deceive the old folks only so many times.

Why am I not dating anyone? Grandma, if I knew the answer to that, we would both live happily ever after.

“When do you plan on getting married? I’d like to see some great-grandkids,” may come next if the conversation grows exceedingly dangerous.

Suddenly, the food begins to taste even better, and one might decide to shovel macaroni with a muffled, “Sorry, my mouth is full,” to avoid the inquiry.

After the unavoidable romantic advice comes the mashed potatoes with a heaping helping of “What have you been learning in college?”

After taking a relentless series of final exams, all the information is still fumbling around in my brain-dead mind, making it almost impossible to choose just one thing.

“I don’t know,” is the natural yet forbidden reply. A collegiate scholar needs a much more intelligent answer. Instead, “the importance of higher education” or “the value of money” usually passes as adequate responses.

The next course: dessert with a side of “What are you doing after college?”

Of all the awkward questions, this one takes the cake… or the pie, depending on which your family prefers during the festive months.

I don’t know what I’m doing after college, and I doubt that any of my classmates do either. There is no five year plan when I can barely keep up with my assignments for one week.

As the dishes are cleared from the table, the investigation dwindles, and if you’re lucky, you’re off the hook.

College students, beware. Whether that means hiring an actor to pose as your holiday date or fabricating a tale of false love, be prepared.

Lesson 13: Welcome Back!

With summer slowly slipping away, college creeps closer and closer. Going back to school is both exciting and emotional. Tears will most definitely be shed in memory of the sleep you will lose. Many people will be grieving the loss of that beloved friend, "rest". But on the plus side, you will have something to tweet about once again! 

Follow me! @hey_itskatelyn

Packing becomes a puzzle, with pieces that fit only one way. And dagnabbit, everything WILL fit. Do I need that many pairs of shoes? Heck to the yes, I do. Throw another pair of strappy sandals in the glove compartment. I don't need leg room, I need those flats! 

New beginnings and fresh starts come with new resolutions to study harder, grow stronger, and workout more. Oh, and spend less money on glowsticks and hula hoops. Maybe that's just me?

The important thing about returning to your university is that you remember why you are there. While the parties, all-nighters, and ramen dinners are all great reasons for excitement, each year is a new opportunity to make something of yourself. It's a chance to get that internship for your resume, work a little bit harder than the next person, take strides in the right direction...all these things matter more in the big picture. Everything else? Those are just small pictures.

It's like decorating your apartment. You hang different sized canvas on each wall. Each colorful picture adds something to the overall look, but the eye naturally goes to the largest image. So it will be after college. The things that matter the most, the steps that take you toward your dream career..Those stand out the most. All of the little pictures, the fun times and lost sleep, make the experience whole, decorating your character and your memories.

Lesson 12: Summer (Phineas and Ferb style)

For those diligent students who sacrifice countless summer hours for just a few credit hours, this post is for you! 

Everyone knows the pros to taking a class or two...or four...during the summer. But if you are anything like me, you might not have accurately weighed the cons. "Spanish 3 online? No biggie!" Wrong. Biggie. Really biggie. Unless of course you actually speak Spanish. Then, replace "Spanish 3" with "Calculus 3". Bam! Fear just entered the hearts of all college students reading this. Mwahaha (evil laugh through the computer)!

Dr. Doofensmirtz from Phineas and Ferb, laughing *not so* evily

I guess I didn't realize how easy it is to neglect a class when you aren't actually IN the classroom. I didn't even remember what day my class started, I just figured I would get an email! No. No, you don't "just" get an email. Responsibility check! I failed that "Grown Up" test. It's like when your parents trust you to do something, and you agree...but it goes to the back of your mind. Then, you end up without groceries in the fridge because you forgot to go to HEB. Maybe it's just me? I fail a lot of big kid responsibilities, and summer courses have been no different!

I guess the lesson here is: Even though the classes are cheaper and a little more relaxed, don't let yourself treat them as inferior. They still count for the same amount of hours, so you should work equally hard! Through trial and error and error and error, I have discovered a few things: incorporate studying into your summer routine. Bring the textbook to the pool. Not in the pool because that might get messy, but while you lay out and tan. I even practice my Spanish while I jog on the treadmill. Do a little bit at the same time everyday. This creates a "classroom-like" schedule that you will remember more easily. You won't miss out on your summer, either. Instead of doing a week's worth of assignments in one day of frenzy, spread it out, around your water-skiing and snowcones. When a test comes, it helps me to get out of the house, go to the library or a coffee shop, and just rid myself of distractions.

Summer school is what it is: school. You can't expect for it to be easy breezy, but you can make the best of it. And come the fall, you will have those extra hours on your degree plan and a little extra color to your skin from studying in the sun! 

Happy reading :)

Lesson 11: H.A.G.S!

"I'm just a little drunk on you and high on summertime". Thank you, Luke Bryan for singing the lyrics to what girls around the world will be naming their facebook albums for summer 2012. It may not be original, but dadgum, it's cute. And that's what summer is all about, right?

Summer is also the only time you can get away with posting pictures of yourself half- neckid (that't my accent coming out when I express the concept of "going without clothing and revealing one's body"). 

Yup, I'm talking to you Miss "Tanning...Summer12 <3" post on facebook. Seriously ladies, posting pictures of your legs glistening by the pool or a little looksie down your torso with a tiny pool in the background? I take it back, not even summertime is an excuse for that. Stay classy, not trashy, my friends.

But on a real note, summer is a great time to kick back and relax, forget about college for a few months. Toss the books in the trash and grab your matches. ACTUALLY, wait! Those things were expensive...so instead, rip off some unsuspecting freshman and sell your old text at ridiculously high prices! All the cool kids are doing it. Fosho. (That's a combination of for and sure, for you suburban white parents out there)

HAGS!!! (Acronym for "have a great summer", fifth grade yearbook style)

Lesson: I Lost Count, It's Finals Week

Finals:

The week where you nap, study, and consume countless calories in a non-stop cycle. It's the week where you walk out of your room without shoes, wake up with an imprint of a desk on your forehead, and swear off education forever. 

It's when all your friends tell you about their plans to transfer to some school on the coast or in the city, where they somehow believe education doesn't involve studying. That's not even logical, but neither one of you care because you are just so stinking tired of reading and memorizing (things you should have been doing the whole semester, but are just now discovering). Some people have this kind of behavior every week, but finals week makes such behavior socially acceptable. Almost.

You know you are doomed when you check out at Walmart with Monster, Five-Hour, and a bag of candy...and all the cashier does is give you a sympathetic nod. Thank you, elderly stranger, for your unspoken sympathy and pity.

Here is my advice:

Because in the end, "Screw finals" lands you a job flipping burgers. And as much as I like the classic American delicacies, I'd much rather have someone else flip my meat patties. But hey, that's up to you.

We're in the Same Boat

Textbooks are ridiculously expensive. 

Some professors teach straight out of the books, making them unfortunately necessary. Other professors reference the book. Then, there are those professors who never even mention the book. You could bring The Hunger Games to class and it would be about as applicable as the text book.

But you can't know this ahead of time. What you CAN do is go to class the first few days to get a feel for the course. Professors are usually pretty lenient on supplies that first week. Then, if you know you will need the book, search for the best buy on Chegg or Amazon. If you think you will rarely use it, go in on a book with a friend. Split the cost and share the book if there is ever an assignment. The best part about this plan is that you may not need a book at all! Why spend close to a hundred George Washingtons on a book that will probably  end up being a door stop or paper weight instead of reading material? 

Once you are a proud, over-achieving book owner, you can pawn off your school supplies to the unsuspecting freshman. Renting books is also a nice option, but you just never know what you are going to get. There is no law that says a rented book will not smell like gym socks. Because frankly, it just might.

And to all of those under-achieving college students who don't ever open their glossy-covered text books: Save your momma the money and just don't buy the book! If you know you will never get past "This book is dedicated to", then don't spend yo mama's moolah!

The moral of this story (pun...we are talking about books...) is that you can always find ways to get the most bang for your buck. That saying always makes me think of hunting deer...

Happy reading!

Lesson 9: Birds and Bees

That title caught your attention, aye? I dont know why I felt the need to phrase that question in a Canadian accent, but I hope you appreciate it. I hear those mates have good bacon up in Canada...but it could just be a rumor. They have a lot of moose up there too. Which makes me wonder, why is the plural of "moose", "moose"? Um, hello? Attention to the grammatical gods: that makes absolutely no sense! It should be mooses or moosen and we ALL know it. Tired of my rambling? 

Well, that's how a lot of college students feel about relationships in universities. They just get tired of all the nonsense.

I love this picture because I have to admit, this is my plan too. I want to meet that special person in college, graduate, get married, have millions of babies, and see my babies grow up. The only thing I leave up for debate in that formula is the "millions". I'm okay with thousands, that's no biggie.

There is so much that could be said about relationships. When I saw this picture, I knew that I had to write something about relationships. Though I haven't been in college long, I think I've learned a few things I consider important:
1. Don't hate...Appreciate!
People are going to couple up. College is like mating season for animals. Everywhere you look, people will be holding hands and giggling in an annoying way that only people in love can pull off. Single or taken, you have to accept the fact that the people around you are going to have "significant others".
2. Sistas before Mistas...Bros Before (fill in the blank)
Just because you have found the "love of your life" or even your "love of the moment", dont ignore your pals. Because whether the romance fades or goes on forever, your friends will be there the whole time. No matter how much you want to hang out with your smookie poo or honey bunch, spend some quality time with the besties. And if you don't have friends...well, there are always dogs. Adopt a puppy.
3. Get a Room
Dont actually get a room...but realize that the way you and your snuggle bunny act around people effects everyone. Try not to make anyone feel uncomfortable, but save the ooey gooey for when you two are alone. The world thanks you.
And remember kids, it takes two to tango. And dont you even think about tangoing before you get married.

Lesson 8: I'm so hood

Ever find yourself without a ride? Not all college students have their own set of wheels. Also, not everyone can say "set of wheels" and look cool while they do it. Approach such gangta phrases with caution. 

Anyway, when you are looking for a means of transportation, I would like to remind you of a new accessory to modern cars: the trunk! God made this handy device for carrying all sorts of items: including people! Warning: This action is illegal in exactly 21.543 states. But if you are looking to live life on the wild side, stuff your friends in the back like cargo. Nothing says BFF like a bumpy ride in the back of a smelly SUV...

Cause you be so hood, you be TRUNK

Looks Like You're Gonna Need a Red Bull...

Lesson 6: Remembering How to Count

For all of you observant blog-readers, I did indeed skip lesson 6. While I could pretend such a mistake was purposeful and meaningful, it just wasnt. It's kind of like when you check your phone to see what time it is, then check it again because you weren't paying attention the first time. Except...I didn't check twice. So, the moral of this post? Check twice.
How does that relate to college, you ask? My, you ask the best questions...
1. Check twice before leaving your car on campus. Check the color of the lines you are parking in...white looks deceptively like purple in the dark. Frankly, your color blindness will not make your parking ticket void.
2. Check twice before drinking the milk in the fridge. It's too late when you are chomping down on the curdles of milk in your mouth to realize the expiration date was 2011 not 2012. Check it.
3. Check twice before you throw a textbook in your bag. Your spanish professor may not be very understanding when you lay a "Quantitative Reasoning" book on your desk. Wrong foreign language, folks. Check twice.
There are so many more instances I could think of, but honestly, I prefer lists that contain only three elements. Booyah.
One further note...when counting, don't skip six. It just makes you look stupid. FAIL.
Sincerely,

The girl who skipped six.

Lesson 7: Home Sweet Home

The time has come! It's finally time to go back to college. Your first response will probably be screaming "Victory!" or singing "Reunited and it feels so good". Either answer is normal, but as far as it being socially acceptable? That depends on how cool your friends are...
You will also probably have an unexplainable desire to stay up all night, eat junk food at every waking hour of the day, and do everything your parents would find absolutely appalling all on your first day back. If you have a serious case of university desperation disorder, you also might have a strong urge to stuff your suitcase under the bed and continue to live out of it instead of hanging your clothes back in your closet. You rebel, you! In this case, I would recommend seeing a specialist.
Yes, it's exciting to be back "home" where matching clothes is overrated, sleep is for the weak, and trips to Walmart are a thrilling pastime...but you have a whole semester to do all of your favorite, questionable things. Don't try to jam-pack everything in one day. Or in one week, for that matter. Such jamming may produce an exhausted student who wishes for nothing but the "boring" days back under Mom and Pop's roof.
And heaven forbid you want that!

Lesson 5: Get Off Me, Bro!

All college students get a bit antsy over winter break. At first, the snacks and goodies you have been lacking while away from home can make the separation a little easier. Yeah you miss your friends, but Gramma's famous pecan pie? That eases the pain for sure. But, calorie-packed yummies can keep you content for only so long, after all.
How do you go about long-distance communication? You haven't been away from your new friends for such a long time before. The last thing you want to do is be the needy friend who sends "I miss you texts" Every. Single. Day.
Heaven forbid you be THAT guy. Oh lordy.
What?! Don't text your friends?! Before you get your snuggie in a wad, hear me out. Keeping up with your friends is great. But when you are hanging out with your friends at home, ditch the iPhone. (Not literally. I don't advise physically tossing your phone aside...trust me. Long story that includes tears, breaking glass, and several rubber cases later...)
And don't be THAT guy (Not the one from before, but another guy...maybe the first guy's brother) who posts "Bored...hmu" on facebook. First of all, "hmu"? I know it stands for "hit me up", but are you so stuffed from Christmas dinner that you can't move your fingers over a few more keys to type out the whole thing? Second, what does "hit me up" even mean? I'd love to punch you in the face, but if you ask for it, it seems a little less satisfying. And lastly, save yourself the trouble and just don't do it. Your college friends will still be there when you go back to school.
Moral of this very badly told story is: Even if you don't have a life, pretend you do.