Awkward Holiday Conversations

“Pass the sweet potatoes, dear. Speaking of, is there a special man in your life?”

As irrelevant as my love life is to tasty Christmas side dishes, these conversations are unfortunately unavoidable for a college student with a prying family during the holiday season.

When leaves on the trees start to turn brown, curiosity begins to stir in the minds of extended family members, and the need to bring a significant other to Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner grows more urgent.

Everyone has experienced that awkward family dinner, where there is more tension in the air than yummy scents from the steaming piles of food on the table.

While grandma slices the turkey, one might feel the urge to fabricate a precautionary and fictitious story of an imagined engagement, straight A’s and plenty of savings in the bank. All of this is absolutely false but seemingly necessary when a barrage of personal questions follows the green bean casserole.

“So who is the lucky guy?” usually comes with the first course of supper. To answer this one, a prepared script comes in handy because making a name up on the spot might be hazardous. “Fill Glass” can deceive the old folks only so many times.

Why am I not dating anyone? Grandma, if I knew the answer to that, we would both live happily ever after.

“When do you plan on getting married? I’d like to see some great-grandkids,” may come next if the conversation grows exceedingly dangerous.

Suddenly, the food begins to taste even better, and one might decide to shovel macaroni with a muffled, “Sorry, my mouth is full,” to avoid the inquiry.

After the unavoidable romantic advice comes the mashed potatoes with a heaping helping of “What have you been learning in college?”

After taking a relentless series of final exams, all the information is still fumbling around in my brain-dead mind, making it almost impossible to choose just one thing.

“I don’t know,” is the natural yet forbidden reply. A collegiate scholar needs a much more intelligent answer. Instead, “the importance of higher education” or “the value of money” usually passes as adequate responses.

The next course: dessert with a side of “What are you doing after college?”

Of all the awkward questions, this one takes the cake… or the pie, depending on which your family prefers during the festive months.

I don’t know what I’m doing after college, and I doubt that any of my classmates do either. There is no five year plan when I can barely keep up with my assignments for one week.

As the dishes are cleared from the table, the investigation dwindles, and if you’re lucky, you’re off the hook.

College students, beware. Whether that means hiring an actor to pose as your holiday date or fabricating a tale of false love, be prepared.